Trusting Me - Trusting You

Trust! What a difficult word. Just hearing it can cause anxiety. For those of us that need to be in control, it's difficult. But let's get real. It goes way past control. It goes along with hurt, disillusionment and betrayal. I don't know how many times I've put my heart out there only to be shattered and burned. And if I'm going to be honest, I've done my share of shattering and burning as well. Why is it so hard to trust? In all reality what is the worst that can happen? We get hurt. We move on and we learn a valuable lesson on who is welcome at our table or in our lives. But for some of us, we give people chances over and over instead of just realizing that some people will never change. They don't want to. It's always someone else's fault. Or they are so broken that the wall is just too tall and thick to get over or through.

I'm a wall builder. I started building as a young girl. My trust was shattered by those that I should have been able to trust the most. And as I grew older, friends treated me the same way. Those that I talked to. Shared my life with. I was disposable. Definitely not worth taking the time to reach out to. As we grow older, isn't it strange how we as adults, don't ever grow out of the pettiness? It's like you start to tear down the walls with people only to realize why you built them in the first place. But then I read about what God says about "trust".

"But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you. I praise God for what he has promised.

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4

God doesn't ask us to put our trust into other people. He only asks us to put our trust in Him. Maybe if we would let go of control and fear of being hurt, life would be different. I believe mine would. I find it difficult to allow anyone in. I've been burned too many times. But how am I supposed to live the calling that God has on my life if I stay in my own little bubble and push everyone away? God also tells us to guard our hearts. (Proverbs 4:23) When He shows you the character of someone that chooses to betray or hurt you over and over, then it's time to move on. It's like a dog returning to its vomit (Proverbs 26:11). As we are to learn from our own mistakes, we are to learn and stop returning to harmful patterns from others. Your circle may end up very small. But as for myself, I would prefer a very small circle of friends I can trust versus a large group of friends that slander and hurt one another. There's a saying that says, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I don't know about you, but who has the time and energy to care or worry about what your enemies are saying about you or doing behind your back? I think I have given far too many chances the way it is.

This is what I know. I have been hurt by people. I've written them off only to hear a whisper from God to send them an uplifting message. I may have written them off, but God hasn't. He put them in your life for a reason. Even if it was for a short time. God has a plan for all of us. It's our responsibility to figure out what that plan is. We don't need to change the world. We just need to plant seeds one person at a time. We just need to be obedient when we hear the calling. There are times I've felt like I was telling someone something that I knew came from God. It sounded odd. I didn't know why I was expressing it. I didn't know how they would take it. And sometimes I would even preface it with "this may not make any sense to you but". And truthfully there were times that that person would look at me like I was crazy. But days, months or even years down the road I would hear from them with "I get it now. Thank you!" Obedience! Once you realize obedience in God, then trust follows. I'm still working on it! But just knowing that God can use me little bits at a time and that if I only pray and listen to Him, then the rest is easy! Trusting Him allows me to start trusting others. It may be a slow process, but it's a process worth pursuing!